"Ticked Off"

Seriously? Is this real life? LIFE, please get your shit together - for real, for real.

The story:
Matt goes for an Epic mountain  bike adventure on Saturday. Flying through the woods, trees and tall grasses. I stayed home and binged on pumpkin seeds and Law and Order. Matt then walked around in "tall farm grass" with his super dark denim jeans on and a black shirt.  I was still waist deep in Law and Order. He came home, took a shower - PUT THE JEANS BACK ON! Since I am not a jean inspector - I was living in blissful ignorance.

Matt and I lay on our super comfy couch and catch up on Bar Rescue. We watched raccoons climb on bar tops and people melt down and cry. Good times were had by all. Fast forward to the following morning...

I am taking a nice leisurely shower. The kind where you put itunes on and turn the volume up really loud and shampoo your hair twice, just because it's Sunday - and you can. You look down and notice something, you think - weird, I don't remember that freckle.  You then think, maybe it was a rouge seed (you did have a binge-a-thon on the pumpkin variety) so you try and brush it away. Nope. You realize this is NOT a freckle. Commence major-fucking-panic-shit storm -freakout in 3....2.....1  it was a tick.

It was still attached. There I stood, soap in my hair, my eye and fear coursing through my veins. I yelled to Matt in the, "Something is very WRONG here" voice. He came up. I was hyperventilating and stammered, " I thinkkkkk.....thee  thheerrreee iss aaaa aaaa tt  ii  ccckkkkk on me." I jump out of the shower. Matt goes through the formal inspection. Skin Tag? No. Flax Seed? No. It was a tick.

Why does this shit happen to me on a SUNDAY. When there is no one to call, no one to confirm my worst tick-mare. I sit and panic. Matt takes his second shower, we wash everything. I suppose we could not burn the super duper dark manly skinny jeans. That would be unfair....I think.

Matt vacuumed the couch. I sat, tick-ified. Immediately flashes of Bells Pasly, PICC lines, spinal taps, hospital stays, antibiotics were zipping around my head. Last time I never saw the tick. This time I did. This time it was embedded in my skin. This time...will it be like last time?

I called my trusty Dr (George)  who treated me before. I got a nurse, "Oh I am sure he will want you to come in." But I can't I am working ALL day! George calls me, he is out of the office - but gives me his personal cell. I call back, deep breathes...George always knows what to do. He then tells me that...its time for antibiotics again. That because the tick was dead when we pulled it off, there was a slightly increased chance... Chance of??? I knew all there was to know about Lyme disease. I thought it was over....

So today as I picked up my prescription of Doxy and looked at the label, I saw the chilling words "For Lyme Disease." So kids what have we learned? You can be afraid of going outside or trail running or walking leisurely in the woods. You can be so terrified that you would rather hide under a blanket most of the time watching Law and Order. But it doesn't matter. I was bit by a tick IN MY OWN HOUSE. Seriously...yes, this is true life folks.

Takeaway: Keep watching Law and Order. Avoid people wearing dark clothing that frolic in tall grass. Avoid...everything if you live in Chester County. Time to Move?

Dental Doomsday

I "SHOULD" start doing things in order, more consistently, on time....wait, that would mean I had my shit together, which I clearly do not.

So much has happened that I have a retroactive list of things I need to blog about. Can you do that? Well kids, it's happening. I will start with the most recent, and most ridiculous.

Because of Ehlers- Danlos (MOFO) I need to have my teeth cleaned 4x a year. Yes, 4. All the water pik's, super floss, scope, flex-brush, dental dams will not save me. And like I have said before, I can't have a busted grill.

After sitting with the Orthodontist last week for an hour, here was the takeaway:

1. Are you under any stress? - No sir, none at all.
2. Try knitting or reading the Bible before you go to bed, it will help you sleep. If that doesn't work, take some narcotics.
3. Also - watching the history of Egypt is also good for snoozing.
4. I recommend two "splints" (two huge custom mouth guards) to be worn all day. Yes, you may speak with a bit of a lisp, but you will learn how to minimize it.
5. These splints are not covered by insurance.
6. For both, we can cut you a break, $2015, no payment plan.
7. Did I mention these are not covered by insurance?

Final thought, and I quote: "After reading your medical history - I have say - you must be REALLY angry at God"

And that is when I left. I cried in the stairwell for a good 5 minutes. Then I called Matt and cried some more. Then I came home and had a beer and started grinding my teeth because of the stress.


Next week will be better....no it won't stupid - glass half EMPTY bitch! (My inner voice yells this in Tourette - like tics from time to time - I try and tell that voice to STFU)

This week I call my Dentist, the one with the rumbly tummy? I say - hey man, it's been rough, my insurance won't cover ANY of my dental stuff and I just need a cleaning ( the one, the ONLY thing my insurance seems to cover me for) can you help a sista' out?

"Kate, I see you have an appointment on Friday, I don't think that is such a good idea"

And this is where Dental Doomsday continued. "Because of your "syndrome" I just don't feel comfortable - its really in your best interest."  Um, Doc - I just want my teethers cleaned!  "Go to a periodontist - they can help you" Um, I did and my insurance does not cover it Bro, and $165 - I just aint' got that kind of cash. (Ok so I didn't really get all ghetto on him, but it sounds better than trying to effectively convey my "on-the-verge-of-tears" voice.)

"I wish I could help, but I am but a small family Dentist and with your "syndrome" (interchangeable with cooties) you are just far to COMPLEX for me. Maybe try U Penn.

So, the final takeaway?

-Dental Doomsday rages on...and on....and on....

-U Penn for a dental cleaning? I might just get some scope, a safety pin, rubber gloves and some bubble gum toothpaste and call it a day.

- Dental insurance is not a real thing, its like a unicorn - they make you believe it exists, until you actually need one - like "Hey I need to ride into the enchanted forest and rescue the forrest animals, where the HELL is my unicorn??"

-Plastic hardware + lisp + broke ass from paying for hardware = a very bad time.

Did I mention that last week Aidan went to the dentist and has 4 cavities, one needs a crown and possible extraction? No, I will save that gem for another day.

Remember to floss kiddies...