Dental Doomsday

I "SHOULD" start doing things in order, more consistently, on time....wait, that would mean I had my shit together, which I clearly do not.

So much has happened that I have a retroactive list of things I need to blog about. Can you do that? Well kids, it's happening. I will start with the most recent, and most ridiculous.

Because of Ehlers- Danlos (MOFO) I need to have my teeth cleaned 4x a year. Yes, 4. All the water pik's, super floss, scope, flex-brush, dental dams will not save me. And like I have said before, I can't have a busted grill.

After sitting with the Orthodontist last week for an hour, here was the takeaway:

1. Are you under any stress? - No sir, none at all.
2. Try knitting or reading the Bible before you go to bed, it will help you sleep. If that doesn't work, take some narcotics.
3. Also - watching the history of Egypt is also good for snoozing.
4. I recommend two "splints" (two huge custom mouth guards) to be worn all day. Yes, you may speak with a bit of a lisp, but you will learn how to minimize it.
5. These splints are not covered by insurance.
6. For both, we can cut you a break, $2015, no payment plan.
7. Did I mention these are not covered by insurance?

Final thought, and I quote: "After reading your medical history - I have say - you must be REALLY angry at God"

And that is when I left. I cried in the stairwell for a good 5 minutes. Then I called Matt and cried some more. Then I came home and had a beer and started grinding my teeth because of the stress.


Next week will be better....no it won't stupid - glass half EMPTY bitch! (My inner voice yells this in Tourette - like tics from time to time - I try and tell that voice to STFU)

This week I call my Dentist, the one with the rumbly tummy? I say - hey man, it's been rough, my insurance won't cover ANY of my dental stuff and I just need a cleaning ( the one, the ONLY thing my insurance seems to cover me for) can you help a sista' out?

"Kate, I see you have an appointment on Friday, I don't think that is such a good idea"

And this is where Dental Doomsday continued. "Because of your "syndrome" I just don't feel comfortable - its really in your best interest."  Um, Doc - I just want my teethers cleaned!  "Go to a periodontist - they can help you" Um, I did and my insurance does not cover it Bro, and $165 - I just aint' got that kind of cash. (Ok so I didn't really get all ghetto on him, but it sounds better than trying to effectively convey my "on-the-verge-of-tears" voice.)

"I wish I could help, but I am but a small family Dentist and with your "syndrome" (interchangeable with cooties) you are just far to COMPLEX for me. Maybe try U Penn.

So, the final takeaway?

-Dental Doomsday rages on...and on....and on....

-U Penn for a dental cleaning? I might just get some scope, a safety pin, rubber gloves and some bubble gum toothpaste and call it a day.

- Dental insurance is not a real thing, its like a unicorn - they make you believe it exists, until you actually need one - like "Hey I need to ride into the enchanted forest and rescue the forrest animals, where the HELL is my unicorn??"

-Plastic hardware + lisp + broke ass from paying for hardware = a very bad time.

Did I mention that last week Aidan went to the dentist and has 4 cavities, one needs a crown and possible extraction? No, I will save that gem for another day.

Remember to floss kiddies...