I had a nice break, or rather boycott, from all things medical for a while. I was recovering from shoulder surgery (yes, I have yet to blog about that shit show, perhaps by May?). I was attending physical therapy regularly - lie. I went up to and on New Year's Eve, which I like to think of as "Deductible Eve," the day before the evil insurance deductible returns in full force like an angry lion - RAWR!
In the middle of the medical mountain of debt, I decided I was going to avoid anything and everything that required the use of my deductible for as long as I could. After physical therapy I had another deductible eve medical appointment to take care of and then I would be FREE...or just living in a constant state of denial. I went to have my annual cancer check, this included the standard blood work, 19th (yes, 19) chest x-ray and an abdominal ultrasound.
The abdominal ultrasound soon became what I like to call "The Abominable Ultrasound." Lets take a short stroll down memory lane, shall we? Last year, "Good news - no cancer! Bad news - you have gallstones and we are going to have to confiscate your gallbladder, how's Tuesday sound?" So naturally, this year I was hoping for more good news and less bad news. JUST KIDDING!
Now to the title of this post...
This year, "Good news - no cancer! Bad news - you have a very large kidney STONE. More bad news - we are probably going to have to blast it out of there. Bad bad news - it will require a hospital gown anesthesia and a hair net."
Pause. Are you in shock? Because I am. I kicked myself in the proverbial ass for all those, "Life is really giving me the stones!" jokes I made last year. Life was legit giving me the stones, every freaking single kind it could. I just want to know...in what world does this happen? I am STILL scratching my head and kicking my ass. And I still have no answers. Bad luck? Bad karma? A case of the "bad's"?
I head tomorrow for my 4th CT scan in a year. Let me stop here and point out that each CT scan carries with it the same radiation exposure that a "normal" person experiences just walking around on planet earth every 3 years of their life. So I think if my math is correct, and it rarely ever is, that means I might start growing a third eye and sprouting a tail. I will be sure to blog in the unlikely event that this should occur. Stay tuned!
Seriously, Life - you screwed the pooch on this one - you were SUPPOSED to throw me a bone, not a stone. Actually if you could just stop throwing shit at me that would be great. Thanks - love Kate. Xo.
Ps. Life - if you are going to continue hurling things my way, feel free to chuck the green papery kind, preferably the Ben Franklin variety - but I am a beggar not a chooser so I will also gladly accept the George Washington kind.
